RIFF

Bhaskar Roy Barman

They had just returned home from the party thrown by Mr. Sunil Basu, his friend, to celebrate the third birthday of his only son, Suman. Anil Kar looked up, as they stepped in, at his young and beautiful wife,  Susmita,  happy as a clam at high water, gorgeously dressed. She was, he thought, glowing from the memory of many a whispered conversation with young men who looked all eagerness to chat with her. As she smiled her wide eyes grew soft with tenderness. She walked over to the window and stared into the early winter night. Anil kept staring at her back,

exasperated, as he resented the fact that she had enjoyed the dull and boring party to her heart’s content. She had left him standing alone, aware of the admiration Susmita had commanded of the young men, most of them his friends. Susmita walked back from the window. ‘You look as if you didn’t enjoy the party?’ she enquired.  ‘No, I didn’t !’Anil couldn’t help sounding aggrieved. ‘It turned out to be a lousy one. No one attending the party had anything worth saying, how very boring!’

   The smile that had so long clung about her face vanished. ‘I had a good time at the party,’ she said. ‘Yet I always kept my eyes on you and saw whom you were with. I think you also watched me strutting about among your friends. I didn’t do anything that might enrage you, did I?’

   Anil did not reply. Susmita was seeking an outlet to foster her sociability. She was quite aware of her beauty and savoured the desire of his friends to zoom in on her under the pretext of praising her   for having brought about a drastic change in Anil’s whole person. At first Anil had overlooked such praise. Gradually their praise took on a different note.

   ‘What is it Anil?” Susmita put her arms round his neck.

   ‘Oh nothing!,’ Anil shot back curtly. He pulled himself free from her grasp and walked over to the window. He sensed Susmita staring bamboozled  at his back. He gazed on the world from the window, bathed in the moonlight and  memories crowded in.

  .After their marriage he had estranged himself from his friends. He hated to hear Susmita talk about them. He was fed up with their reminding him of his having been such a slapdash and how Susmita has changed his whole person. The words of a friend’s elder sister were still ringing in his ears. Just a few days back, he and Susmita had gone over to her place  on her invitation. While introducing herself to Susmita she had said. “I’m a class-friend of Anil’s elder sister’s. I’ve heard so much about you, particularly about the rare quality you’ve displayed in bringing about a change in your husband’s demeanour.’ Other inmates that had gathered around them murmured their endorsement. He saw Susmita’s face lit up. The expression that loomed on her face sort of nauseated him. He felt himself gradually receding to the background with Susmita standing astride over him.

   He felt the touch of a soft hand on his shoulder and swung round to face Susmita.

   ‘What are you thinking of?’ she said softly. ‘What has happened to you? Have I hurt your sentiments?’

   ‘No, you’ve not,” Anil said. He walked  back to the bed, and slumped himself there wearily.

   ‘You are behaving childishly,” she pouted, trying to nestle close. ‘It’s as if you hate me!’

   ‘Yes, I do!,’ Anil blurted out and leaping to his feet, pushed  Susmita aside. He walked out, slamming the bedroom door noisily behind him. He urgently needed a breath of fresh air and sought aloneness in the night streets.

   The coolness of the nocturnal air and the desolateness of the lane, in the winter night soothed down his agitated mind. Anger yielded place to repentance for having hurt her sentiments. She was surely not to blame for the shameful tendency on the part of his friends to thrust themselves on her under the pretext of praising her.

   Sobered by remorse, he returned home and saw Susmita packing her clothes into a suitcase. ‘What are you up to?’ he asked softly.

   ‘I’m going over to my father’s tomorrow morning,” she said with a catch in her voice.

    Anil stood there dumbly. He could say nothing to prevent her, from her decision.

They had been married six months now. She ought to have savvied him, his mind. She knew how he clung to her desperately and how he had suffered neglect and ridicule from his kin. They have always treated him with such disdain! His marriage had given him a chance to slide out of the slough of despond.

   Without caring to change, Anil got into bed. He knew for certain that she would call him for supper and then he would get an opportunity to ease out the misunderstanding. He feigned sleeping. Through half-closed eyes he followed her every movement. She was through with her packing and heaved up the suitcase on the table. Not caring for any supper  she walked over to bed and got in, right beside him. He turned over on the other side, to avoid her touch.  

   Next morning he woke up to the sound of  a thud . When he opened his eyes he saw Susmita was already dressed to leave, with her suitcase pulled down from the table. It was that noise, which actually woke him up.

  So she really meant it! He felt like jumping off the bed and stop her. but somehow snowballed his emotion. Since she was so hell bent on leaving, there was hardly any point in preventing her.

  _ ‘I’m going.’ Her diffident tone gave him a start.

   _‘Where to?” he asked in spite of himself.

    _‘To my father’s,” she replied.

    _ ‘And when do you propose to return?’ he asked.

      Susmita did not answer and walked over to the door. She stopped, swung round and looked into his eyes.

   “Should I help you by carrying the suitcase up to the gate?’ he asked calmly.

   ‘No, thanks,’ she said in a choked  voice and strode out.

   A week had passed since she was gone.  A char-woman was cooking for him. The food she cooked did not go down the gullet. There was no love and care mixed with her cooking. The food Susmita cooked was always so spiced with affection! He went to school almost half-fed and could not concentrate on teaching. His colleagues soon noticed his absent-mindedness. They had somehow sensed that something was amiss and knew about Sushmita’s  going over to her parental home. He was certain that they were chuckling behind his back.

   Almost every day on his return from work he half expected Susmita  at the door with a smile of forgiveness and love. The silence of the empty house mocked him. His loneliness gathered momentum with the night. Once in bed, he craved for the smooth touch of her soft skin against his own. He could remember every detail of her gentle caress to arouse him and the deliciousness of their lovemaking. Every night he promised to himself  to go over to his father-in-law’s to apologize to her and bring her back.  But the brightness of the shameless  morning sun chased away such thoughts.  He could not bring himself to go over. And there were her sisters! The thought of their rebuke absolutely banished his desire for visiting their home.

   Somehow at the back of his mind, Anil was certain of  Susmita’s return. So it was better to hold his patience and wait and see! He would prepare himself for her coming back. She loved cleanliness and neatness. Keeping that in mind, Anil worked hard to arrange papers, clothes and stuff and his own self in readiness to welcome her back home!

  And so it happened! One morning, painfully awaking to his desolation and expectation, he thought he heard a gentle and familiar knock on the door. He leapt off the bed, pulling down the cover clumsily to drop to the floor  and rushed over to the door. Sure it was her! Anil rubbed his eyes in disbelief and a sense of relief swept over him.

Susmita stood there with  the suitcase at her feet.  An embarrassed smile hovered over her lips and demure eyes. Hesitating awhile, she said softly, ‘I couldn’t imagine you going down  there to bring me back after all! I would not have come, mind you! But I couldn’t help coming back, for I know how slovenly you keep the house. Oh  I hate to let people wag their tongues about the mess!.

   ‘I was anxiously waiting for you,’ Anil said, looking a picture of happiness, ‘for I was sure you would come back and you did.”

   ‘You mean you missed me?’ Susmita said, her face brightening up.

   ‘Sure, I did miss you very much,’ he said, ‘And you know I did.’

   His face lit up with a childish show of triumph. He picked up the suitcase and gestured at Susmita to come in. He put the suitcase down on the bed.

   She stood as if transfixed and slowly took in the room and Anil’s fervent endeavours to maintain orderliness and then fixed her gaze on him. There was an evident  look of  disbelief and disappointment marked on her face!

   Suddenly she flung herself on the bed and buried her head into a pillow. She was weeping bitterly, her whole body shaking spasmodically.

   Anil stared puzzled at her shaking body. “Why are you weeping, Susmita?’ he asked.

   ‘You don’t love me,’ she gasped out , ‘and you don’t need me.’

   Anil got too puzzled to say anything. He was staring at her convulsing body, trying hard to fathom her sudden vociferation.